47 months

Well, we did it.  I have officially weaned Ryan.  His last time to nurse was last Friday and he did really well.  Over the weekend, Michael did the morning routine without me so that Ryan would be distracted (he usually nurses first thing in the morning).  And by Tuesday I jumped back in.   He signed "milk" very deliberately on Tuesday after nap, and he was pretty cranky.  He had been put back on an antibiotic and eye drops for re-curring ear/sinus infection so I'm sure he wasn't feeling well and it occurred to him that it was time to nurse.  Funny, though 4+ days later.  I successfully distracted him by giving him a cup of "cocoa" and we cuddled and watched his Baby Einstein DVD for a few minutes.  Not sure why it's been so hard on me this time around.  I guess because I know there are no more babies in my future and this special time with him will soon be a distant memory.  I'm feeling really sad, that a part of me is missing, like I'm forgetting something.  It's a really strange feeling, but each day gets easier and I'm sure I'll feel more like myself again soon.   Because of my feelings, I have wondered if I weaned him too soon, but I think prolonging it would have only made it harder on both of us.  While it's freeing not to have this dependency, I'm sad that I can't comfort him or provide for his needs in the way that I always have.  But childhood is full of transitions and it's time to move forward.  There is so much more work ahead of us....learning to understand and control our emotions (yes, the tantrums are in full force), language development, social development, following rules, the list goes on and on.   As we journey into true parenting and discipline, I'm praying for patience, strength and consistency as he is a strong-willed child and I am pretty much a push over for those curls and rolls!  :)  I've spent approximately 47 months of my life nursing my babies.  I'll never forget those quiet moments in the glider rocker where nothing else mattered, the thousands of lullabies sung, the sweet cuddles, the conversations both spoken with words and with our eyes, and watching TV in the middle of the night (only with Hannah - the boys were great sleepers and fast eaters), and of course the lovely nursing strikes and biting phases.  It wasn't always easy, but it was definitely worth it!